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by: Emma Aguirre

I took an overnight trip to McAllen, Texas, to visit a good friend who was celebrating the anniversary and open house of her business. Even though I knew about it several weeks in advance, I felt like it crept up on me out of nowhere and I didn’t really have the chance to process that I’d be leaving my daughter for the first time – EVER. My husband took off of work and, secretly, I think he was looking forward to the quality time. He even asked for instructions, which made me very happy! Here’s how it played out…

Wednesday, 12pm – Just left the house for a 2pm flight to McAllen, Texas. My daughter was a little difficult to feed lunch I noticed. Maybe I was antsy and she sensed it. When it came time to say goodbye, I balled like a baby leaving her behind and it feels like a little piece of my heart just broke. As if leaving the first time wasn’t hard enough, I had to turn around before I even left the neighborhood because I forgot my phone. I had to do it all over.

Wednesday, 12:10pm – On Beltway 8 wondering what she’s doing. Hopefully, getting ready for a nap. I should have asked for a play by play via text. I hate not knowing.

Wednesday, 12:28pm – Radio off. Every song reminds me of my family & makes me cry. What a baby.

Wednesday, 2:04pm – Got totally lost at the airport I’m so distracted, security stole the champagne I bought for my friend I’m visiting, airport sandwich I bought for lunch was just gross. BUT, the pilot on this flight is a dream 🙂 My day might just be perking up…

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Wednesday, 4:31pm – Realized the yummy pilot was actually a just flight attendant and he dropped a few degrees on the hotness meter. But I’m feeling pretty good now that I’m back in my oldstomping grounds. Hubby sent a photo of my daughter sitting outside enjoying the sunshine. She looked happy & she is in the same clothes I left her in which is a good sign. I’m actually beginning to get excited about the party and celebrating my friend’s success.

Wednesday, 5:08pm“You didn’t bring that baby?!” first words out of my friends mom’s mouth. I say, “No, she should be eating dinner about now. I didn’t want to disrupt her so daddy’s babysitting.” I gush. She better be eating dinner and she better be eating day three of the chicken dinner I left. I hope she’s not spilling too much water. I told him to put a dishrag under the highchair, right? Sidetracked…

Wednesday, 6pm – Party kicks off.

Wednesday, 6:22pm – Second “You didn’t bring that baby?!” Am I the worst mother ever? I head for the bar.

Wednesday, 7:02pm – I start sharing photos on my phone.

Wednesday, 9:30pm – Party over and I call hubby. Daughter was fussy going down which makes me sad. He says he thinks she knows I’m gone. She didn’t go to bed until after 8pm! I wonder if he followed the rules. He should know the routine by now, she’s six and a half months! I bet she had gas. He should have given her gripe water. I hope he gave her that chicken and not something random. That could really mess with her insides, poor baby! We grab a bite to eat, but I’m so torn. I’m loving hanging out with my best friend, but at the same time my mind is in Houston and my baby. I feel guilty for wanting the morning to come quickly so I can get home.

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Thursday, 12:30am – Lights out. Way past my bedtime.

Thursday, 6:55am – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I consider calling home. I know they’ll be up. Something tells me not to. Don’t want them to think I’m crazy. I WANT to go back to sleep, I have NO reason to get up. But I just can’t seem to get comfortable and fall back to sleep. I chat with my friend’s cats instead.

Thursday, 9:05am – After tossing and turning (and “catting”) for two hours, I get up. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep normally again.

Thursday, 11:30am – To the airport we go! I got a video AND a photo this morning, and my daughter looks so happy. I’m almost giddy! Should I have got her a present? She napped for two hours this morning!

My shoe breaks at security. I have to wear my 4inch heels I wore the night before. Great.

Thursday, 1:25pm – It’s a propeller plane. I hate those. Pilot is already talking about a bumpy ride. Duh, it has propellers…what’s stable about that?! Got a text saying my daughter just went back down for nap two! Yey! Must be following the rules…

Thursday, 3:30pm – HOUSTON! What a horrible flight! I had to check my bag at the gate with most of the passengers because the plane was teeny, so now I’m waiting for them to drop it back off. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!

Thursday, 3:42pm – I meet Hillary Swank in the bathroom!

Thursday, 4:15pm – FINALLY got to my car. Stupid heels, stupid parking…Homeward bound!

Thursday, 4:45pm – HOME!!! Right where I should be!!!!!!!!!!!!

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