by: Emma Aguirre

I think we’re officially in the teething phase. My daughter has a little diaper rash and seems a little…less easy to please than she usually is. She’s not grumpy, just a little more vocal than normal, but the homeopathic teething tablets seem to soothe her some. She’s rolling all over the place and we just got her in a walker this weekend too, which she’s doing great in! We’ll have a crawler on our hands pretty soon! She’s in a very “grabby”/curious phase right now, which makes for a long day on my end. She’s into feeding herself, or at least wrestling me for the spoon so she can try. Her interaction is getting better by the day and she smiles and communicates as well she can. It’s an amazing thing to watch and every day I wonder what I did to deserve something so precious.

That being said, she’s also woken up at odd hours over the last few days. Sunday morning, she was up and at ‘em at 4am, then 5am and then finally 8am. Tuesday night she woke up at 10pm after only being in bed for a few hours. It was tough getting her back down. I finally gave her a bottle around 11pm as a last resort and as I was sitting there in the dark, all I could feel were her hands all over my face, pulling at my hair, legs kicking…and all I wanted was to be left alone.

I felt bad for thinking it, but she had been awake since 6am and all day, I’d be pulled on and grabbed at. Everything had been a battle. I just needed the world to be quiet and be alone for five minutes. I felt like I couldn’t even try to go to bed without being demanded. My head was pounding and I was exhausted. I was cranky and at my wits end. When I was working as a natural gas reporter, after a long day, a busy evening, I would curl up in bed with bad sitcoms until I dozed off. I needed the noise. Now, I cherish the silence. I love the dark when the house is silent and all I can hear is the soft ocean sounds coming from my daughter’s room late at night (or not so late…what I wouldn’t give for an early night!) and the gentle breathing of my husband. It’s my five minutes of calm. I don’t get enough five minutes like those.

My daughter finally dozed back off and I was back in bed by 11:30pm and thinking the morning was going to come too soon. My husband said this evening “I’m tired,” and I responded, “I’m tireder!” He grumbled and said something about napping during the day. Naps … in the day …? Unheard of in this house! I wake up every morning thinking about how I must nap later. I never do and never was one who napped when the baby napped either. Maybe that’s my problem. There is always something to be done. Tomorrow, I will, really. I will nap. I promise myself. I must.