by: Emma Aguirre
This last weekend I began to feel like myself for the first time in a few months. Well, I guess my old self. I was out of town with girlfriends. The last time we all took a trip together was my bachelorette trip…this was quite different.
I was able to just wander aimlessly around stores with no attachment and no real thought, picking up things I liked before moving onto the next thing. I didn’t have to watch the clock and plan my next move. My purse was tiny in comparison to my usual diaper bag and I wasn’t paranoid about knocking things over with it or banging the stroller against a display. It was very easy and simple, relaxing and rejuvenating. My friends were my only concern, and I realized on this trip how much I have come to rely on their support and advice. While gushing about my daughter, I mentioned she would be seven months next week and a friend said, “Wow, that went quickly.” It really has. Through this journey I’ve lost a few friends, just like I did when I got married and I think that’s natural. It’s part of life. But there are some friends who have been a constant source of support and love throughout all of my life changing events. These are friends who expect nothing and give everything. They are interested and fun and willing to listen without judging and just be, with no pressure. As cliché as it sounds each of them make me want to be a better person and be respected as much as I respect them. They remind me to stay me, and not lose myself to the depths of motherhood. Not that it’s a bad place, but it can be lonely.
We are all at different stages of life; one has been married for several years and has a two and a half year old, then there is me, then one who has been married just a year and is expecting in August and then another who will hopefully be engaged by the end of the year and has no children yet. We all worked together at one point and two still do. We haven’t known each other that long, we certainly don’t go “way back”. We live in different neighborhoods, our spouses have different professions, even ethnically, we are all different. They each bring something wonderfully unique to the table. We go for weeks without all talking to one another, and yet I know they are there for me no matter what. In a pinch, in a crisis, I know who I can call. Every mom needs that.
Being with them reminded me of my old self, but I know they appreciate my new self and they just dote on my new family. I’m not the same girl that danced on the bar in Miami with a half naked bartender two years ago. They appreciate and respect that I’m a mom now and that’s just another part of who I am. In many ways, these life-changing events make our bond tighter as we watch each other grow and change for the better. I missed my daughter dreadfully while I was gone, she was at the forefront of my mind constantly (and when I did look at the clock I was running through her routine in my head hoping she was doing what she was meant to be doing), but she was in the best hands possible with her dad. Once I was on the road, my guilt faded and I was ready to embrace the weekend and my friends. Thanks to them, I returned feeling like I could give my daughter the best of who I am and I feel ready for at least the next seven months!