By Andrea Seagrave
For our first child, my husband and I planned everything as well as two first time parents possibly could. We read several books on newborns and how to care for them, parenting philosophies, and discipline philosophies. We spent hours poring over safety information about car seats, strollers, flying with a baby, immunizations, and every other conceivable concern. When she arrived, of course we encountered daily challenges, but we still feel as if all our preparation was not in vain, and that we were well on our way to winning some sort of parenting trophy for all our efforts.
It didn’t hurt that we had plenty of help and knowledge of several parenting resources in our community, such as The Motherhood Center, playgroups, and a loving grandmother willing to help at the drop of a hat. We approached parenting with confidence and enthusiasm, and we loved almost every minute of it (not the reflux minutes, not the gassy minutes, not the constipation minutes, and certainly not the oh-my-goodness-why-won’t-she-stop-crying-minutes, but most of the minutes, yes).
Life was good.
Almost exactly three years later, we were out of town for the summer, potty training our two year old, when we found out we were expecting again. We were overjoyed, thrilled, over the moon. Then we panicked. How could we possibly give our first daughter the attention we had both received as children–the attention she DESERVED–with another child in our home? Could we? Were we good enough? We finally concluded since people have been doing this since the beginning of humanity that we surely could, too.
Still, we had a lot to discuss. How would I nurse and pump and have any time left to care for and play with our first child? How would we keep one child healthy if the other became sick? How would we prevent competition between the children? How would we love both of them enough and not show favoritism? We had new questions every day, and as the birth of our second child approached, we were well armed with literature on the topics but still lacking the confidence we had before the birth of our first child. We were scared but felt somewhat prepared, at least in a technical way. I mean, I had the birth announcement hand-written and mailed the day our second daughter was born, so I really felt I was on top of things. Then reality set in. We had two kids!
Our eldest is now three and a half. Our newbie is 6 months old. Life is still good, but more fast-paced and hectic. It takes a little longer to get out of the house, a little longer to put them to bed, and a little longer to do almost everything. I find myself locking myself in the bathroom for me time a little more often. There’s more love in the house. Our toddler has shown herself to be a most loving and sweet big sister who loves “helping” with the baby and mimicking our actions with her baby dolls. I don’t exactly know how we manage. Some days we stay in most of the day, and at 4:30 I’m looking at the microwave clock, praying for time to move more quickly so my relief will arrive home so I can get 15 minutes of sleep before the after dinner / bedtime routine begins.
Our family has a tough road ahead, one traveled many times by families all around the world. We prepare as best as we can and hope for the best. My husband and I love as much as we know how and try to make sure we each get at least half enough sleep to be able to be able to function the next day. We still have the loving grandmother who helps out a lot, and we still call on The Motherhood Center when we’re in a pinch. Every day, we try to give our best, but sometimes that’s just not possible on three hours of sleep. We have given up the dream of the parenting trophy.
Right now (at 10:04 PM), the three year old is asleep, my husband is feeding the baby, the baby is happily sighing, Mimi (the grandmother) is asleep, and I’m up four minutes past my ideal bed time writing a blog entry. I’ll definitely need caffeine and yoga tomorrow.
By Andrea Seagrave
I love your honesty. Parenting is the hardest work and often feels like its thankless when you’re in the thick of things. But tonight, I got a foot massage from my two kids while we watched Lady & the Tramp. They were the sweetest, dearest children. It’s definitley worth all the effort. And when I’ve reached by complete limit I get a little help from a sitter. She likes the Card Memos I invented that show activities to do with the kids. She says its a great memory jog for her.